Stepping Out, Playing Big

This is my first real blog post.

I’ve posted my newsletter articles here and one random posting about a year ago, but this is my first real post in that I am making a commitment to posting continually, on a regular basis.

I sat down to write at 8:35am, and it’s now 9:25.

Here’s what I’ve done in the meantime:  made tea, read 3 other people’s blog postings, accidentally unplugged my computer which turned it off, got up and pet my dog, made decaf coffee (which I haven’t had in weeks), checked my email, returned two emails, and now…voila, here I am again.  I’ve pretty much made every excuse in the book to avoid writing this.

Why?  What’s the big deal? Well, for one, writing doesn’t always come easily under pressure (and I must feel some pressure because this is, after all, my first blog posting); and secondly, I recognize fear. That big, ugly feeling that rears its sneaky head every time I take what feels like a bigger step forward out there into the world.  (I realize that blogging is really no big deal for some, but for me, it represents a commitment I’ve made to myself to step out there into the world with my business – and myself – in a bigger, bolder way in 2009. “YES I AM HERE”, rather than “here i am.”

Yikes.

Does this feeling resonate with you?  This theme of “being bigger and bolder” in one’s life has been popping up all over the place lately, not just for me, but for many of my clients as well. I’ve decided it’s a universal human theme.

At the risk of seeming like I am obsessed with Oprah (if you read my January newsletter article, you know I wrote about her then), I have to point out a comment she made when lamenting about her recent weight gain, to better illustrate my point.  She said, “…when you believe that you’re worthy of the space you occupy on the planet, you demonstrate that by insisting that every last one of your choices…moves you toward the life you want.”

“When you believe you are worthy of the space you occupy on the planet…”

WOW.

Think about that.

How many of us hold back, play it small, minimize risks, quell our frustrations, avoid conflict, and keep ourselves stuck, not moving toward the life we want, but continuing to spin in circles, in one or more area of our life? How many of us are really comfortable with feeling worthy of claiming, in a big, bold way, our space (I’m not talking physical space here, but the WHOLE of who we are and what we are here to express, to have, to do)?

There are some who are more comfortable feeling the fear and doing it anyway (everyone feels the fear, they just don’t get as spooked by it). Others feel trapped by the fear, and continue to feel “small” and stuck somehow.  And others step out, play large, and then make themselves “small” some other way (usually by staying stuck in some area).

Take Oprah, for example.  Oprah is certainly someone who plays BIG on the planet – her influence is enormous. Her name is synonymous with success. Yet here she is, in an ongoing, very painful battle with her weight.  Continuing to feel shame and hate and struggle. That struggle – that stuckness – keeps coming up over and over again. And although it’s easy to see it from the lens of lack of self-care and perhaps self-love, I believe what also may be operating for Oprah is her discomfort (guilt?) with the enormous, incredible space she takes up on the planet.  Staying stuck with her weight (and even more importantly, with the shame she feels) keeps her “small,” in a way; it may express for her her discomfort with her “big space.”

So here I am, recognizing that although I LOVE the work I do with my individual clients, I’ve been stuck over the past several years in my business by not pursuing some of the other things I’ve wanted to do. I’ve kept it small, played it safe, and held myself back (there are oh, so many reasons we do this…more on that another time).  And so with this blog posting I take a baby step toward playing it bigger, claiming my space in the blogsphere, and, well, maybe in the world (one step at a time, right? J).

I hope you’ll join me…